That space in between
The meeting point of allowing, becoming and boldness
Reflecting on the recent coaching conversations I’ve been having with my clients, as well as some conversations with my friends and colleagues, I am realising there is one thing that I keep pointing people to – the space in between. Every time I find life challenging, I am realising there is one thing I lean into as a place that holds answers for me – again, the space in between.
Clients come to sessions to get their answers. People engage in conversations to get some sort of answers. And in that process more often than not they tend to focus on their “either/or” perspectives.
“It’s either I get them to accept my working standards, or I lower mine to the level of theirs. It’s either I completely trust them to follow my vision or I don’t at all. It’s either they are capable to understand, perform and deliver, or they are not and never will be. It’s either we completely agree, or we cannot be with each other. It’s either I get it right or I totally blow it. It’s either I leave them now or I stay with them forever feeling miserable. It is either…or… ”
“Either/or” is a very difficult place to be. It’s simply frustrating.
It seems to be forcing us to choose between what we’ve had enough of and what we’re not yet ready for. Or between what clearly feels right for us but somehow doesn't work and what looks completely and utterly wrong to us.
And deciding on such two options, often feels like fighting a losing battle.
That’s the time to shift the focus to the space in between. It is a slowing down space that opens an actual or internal conversation, which reveals far more options than just two. In fact, it is the entire universe that lies in between “either” and “or”, if we dare to access it.
That space in between can be many things and I’ve come to realise that it’s always a meeting point of these three:
The space in between is a space of allowing two things to co-exist with full permission: the way I make sense of the world and the way you do.
The space in between is a space of becoming: simultaneously acknowledging and welcoming the one I am being today and the one I am being next.
And finally, the space in between is a space of boldness: daring to stay at the same time with the discomfort of allowing and the vision of becoming.
As such, the space in between is much bigger, wider and deeper than the immediate solution. It’s not a quick fix place, it’s a place of growth and development. That is why the space in between requires true boldness to let go of something known for a long time and explore something new and unknown.
And although it may sound a bit reflective or intangible, once applied this space in between is indeed very real and this is how it can work: noticing your sadness, anger or fear in tension between “This?” or “That?”, be bold to take a step back and get over yourself, your illusion of control and your sense of despair, and open your radars to the opportunity bigger than you, other people and the circumstances. Then you ask:
““And what else is there? And who else am I? And who else are they? And who are we becoming? And what else is possible here? And what else?””